I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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