you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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