i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
