I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
