walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
