I am puke
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
