I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Randomize
