you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
