he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
