some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
This show inspires me to have sex in space
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
