tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
