We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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