isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
