Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
