My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I just cut my nipple shaving
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
