I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
