Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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