so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize
