We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
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I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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