There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
home. puking in laundry basket.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
