I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
