Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
