there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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