im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
