grandma shit on top of the toilet
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Randomize
