Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
