so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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