Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
