Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
NoShamevember. You game?
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
