Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
your like the ambassador to my penis.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
