just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Randomize
