I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
