I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize
