and my herpes radar will keep us safe
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
