I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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