I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
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