are you so shy because you have an std?
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Randomize
