Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
