The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
