Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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