I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I want to walk on stilts...naked
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Randomize
