Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
She's not a foreskin expert like you
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
