I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Randomize
