I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Randomize
