the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I think I have vodka in my lungs
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
