We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
