I would go down on you faster than GM stock
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
