She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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