So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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