We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I had to cum in my sink.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
