69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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