Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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